Voracious Vs Vulnerable

A few months into blogging and my unpublished list grows and grows. I get a feeling for a blog, then an idea fills in the spaces and I start tap tap tapping away enthusiastically. It flows and flows, from my brain to my fingers to the page. Baring my soul. Revealing my life away from cyberspace. Stripping away layers and layers of me, for once you peel away the surface, it’s the inner bits that hold all the passion. The passion gets me writing.

And then I stop. Reread what’s written. Wonder just who reads this blog amongst the millions out there. Ponder on how much of ‘me’ the virtual world needs put out there, among the dotsam and netsom. The blush rising up my cheeks is usually a good indicator I’ve gone one layer or more too deep. Too too much. It happens in real life too, but it’s teary eyes that indicate my vulnerability then, much to my horror.

Once again, my voracious need to communicate, in whatever medium suits, comes into direct conflict with my urge to lurk in the shadows. To “not let the bastards see your pain”. Though who these bastards are and why them seeing my pain would be so awful remains a mystery to me. Somedays I think this is paranoia, other days it feels utterly sensible. Nurture versus nature? Hormonal rushes? Or good old common sense?

I’ve always thought (hoped!) there’s a book to be written hiding inside of me. In my brain sits a tiny 1950’s style stenographer, taking notes and organising the information flowing in and out, taking details of my phone calls, sorting the wheat from the chaff, all the while managing to look as fabulous at the end of the day as she did in the morning (like I can never manage). What a huge job! If there is ever a book, she’ll get thanked first.

If only the battle between voracious versus vulnerable within ends with a white flag swung by both sides.

Advertisements

Doing the Dewey

So the next Very Important Thing I have on my list, besides feeding the family, doing the school run, making sure they all have clean clothes…oh gawds I’m putting myself to sleep… feeding the pups and doing my actual homework, ya know, the usual, mundane but no less worthy than the extraordinary, realities of life as I know it, is – memorising the Dewey Decimal Classifications. I’ve gotta tell y’all, I am ridiculously excited about this!

Excited enough that I raced home from class and printed off a list of the Dewey Decimal System (by tens) from http:/library.mtsu.edu/dewey/dewey.htm and popped it on our kitchen table, which seems to be the hub of our home (for me, the rest of the family merely park there for food or to place notes from school requesting money). Thus I had no choice but to notice the Dewey list. Genius idea! Every time I walked past it (about a hundred times in one afternoon/evening), I’d work on a mnemonic to help me memorise the tens.

As a long time book and information lover slash library lingerer, I figured I’d have this all important for Librarians-to-be list stored to memory quicksticks. From the very first moment I stepped into a library I’ve been drawn to the 100’s – Metaphysics, Epistemology, Paranormal, Philosophical, Logic, Ethics, Ancient, Medieval, Oriental and Modern Western Philosophy’s. The 460’s take my fancy every time I decide I really should learn Spanish (that’s once every five years or so, so far, ugh, ¿por qué hago esto a mí mismo?!?).

Ever since my brood discovered Masterchef et al, I’ve been hanging out in the 640’s, desperately searching for something that will “plate well” and be loaded with hidden healthfulness, for a family cannot live on croquembouche and macarons alone, no matter what the kids say! Then there are the 700’s – for me, the kids and my sanity. Ooh, it’s school holidays for the next six weeks? Let’s go borrow some craft books from the library to keep us entertained. And sane. Did I mention that?

And don’t get me started on the fiction stacks, or as I call them, “My Idea of Heaven”.

I thought it would be a cinch to pop the Dewey Decimal Classification’s in my memory. But of course it isn’t; I wouldn’t be studying Library and Information Services at all if it was that simple. But my brain loves mnemonics so I’m sure it won’t take long before it will be selected and ordered in my brain. Then it will be acquired, accessioned, catalogued, end processed and shelved in, you guessed it, my brain. Perhaps also in the 020’s, 160’s, 370’s, 410’s and perhaps the 650’s (I’ll look into that).
I absolutely love big-thinking-able-to-make-mnemonics-and-memorise-things brains, they are THE coolest thing about being a human being.

In case you’re wondering, here’s where I’m at on my mnemonic Dewey Decimal tens – “General Phil Chology is Religious about Social Sciences and Language”. Which translates out of my brain into the world as – Generalities – 000; Philosophy and Psychology – 100; Religion – 200; Social Sciences – 300; Language – 400.

Only six more to go…

Inspired #1

“What a week!”, our heroine exclaims early Tuesday morning.

I don’t bother to point out that Tuesday will never be the end of any week. Tuesday can sometimes be a start. It can, maybe, be the beginning of a week, after a public holiday, but not ever is it anywhere close to the end of a week.
You do this for people you love, you hold your thought. You listen and wait for the words to unfold.

“So many endings and beginnings!”
Everything said with an exclamation at the end.
I wait to hear some more.

“It’s all so exciting! And a little sad!”
I wait again. Anything I have to say can wait too.

“I can’t wait for it to begin!”
I hesitate. And then wait some more. I love a good story, a happy beginning, the excitement and newness of it all. So I remain, waiting.

And I’m thinking, while waiting, happy endings are never a guarantee my love. No life can be assured of the grand finale we dream of before it occurs.

Happy beginnings? Well, who wouldn’t want to start any adventure, or any day, like that?

I wait. And I listen.

The after life

I seem to be stuck in a cycle where I can only do this task ~ insert Very Important Task here ~ once I have completed that task ~ insert Really Very Important Task here ~ ?? What on Earth is this all about?

Like every parent/human, I am (usually) quite adept at multi-tasking. I hate it. But it’s the only way to manage a family of five/life. Trust me, I’ve tried single-tasking, it only works if I’m the only one I have to worry about. As in never.

And like every parent/human, I’ve dropped many a ball from over-multi-tasking. Lunches left on the bench. The kids sent to school in uniform on mufti day. Dinners burnt (our dogs love those nights). It’s a loong list, but you get the picture.

My concern here is ~ since starting my studies in Libraries and Information Services ~ I’ve lost my multi-tasking abilities. Everything goes on a list, that list gets prioritized and everything must be done in order of priority. One thing at a time. Or else I’ll die. Well, not really. But seriously. I’m sure my world will collapse in on itself if these lists aren’t crossed off in order of urgency, one at a time. Or I’ll forget to pick up one or more of the kids from school. Which would be a disaster in itself. To me, not the kids, they are much more resilient than I previously realised.

I feel selfish, devoting whole days (that’d be five and a half hours in parent time, the hours between dropping the kids off and picking them up) to me. My studies and assessments, research (lovely research, there ain’t much bad in trawling social media for library pages) and revision, just to make sure I’ve got it down pat. Dinners don’t get done, washing waits, chores pile up. I’m doing this for my future. The first major thing I’ve done solely for me since the first-born drew her first breath.

So multi-tasking is out the window, sayonara, see ya later. I’m pretty sure it’s a coping strategy, even of it’s a complete turnaround from how I’ve survived and kept a family alive functioning for years. If it keeps up, I don’t doubt that I’ll get used to it. I may now suck at multi-tasking, but I am utterly adaptable.