Voracious Vs Vulnerable

A few months into blogging and my unpublished list grows and grows. I get a feeling for a blog, then an idea fills in the spaces and I start tap tap tapping away enthusiastically. It flows and flows, from my brain to my fingers to the page. Baring my soul. Revealing my life away from cyberspace. Stripping away layers and layers of me, for once you peel away the surface, it’s the inner bits that hold all the passion. The passion gets me writing.

And then I stop. Reread what’s written. Wonder just who reads this blog amongst the millions out there. Ponder on how much of ‘me’ the virtual world needs put out there, among the dotsam and netsom. The blush rising up my cheeks is usually a good indicator I’ve gone one layer or more too deep. Too too much. It happens in real life too, but it’s teary eyes that indicate my vulnerability then, much to my horror.

Once again, my voracious need to communicate, in whatever medium suits, comes into direct conflict with my urge to lurk in the shadows. To “not let the bastards see your pain”. Though who these bastards are and why them seeing my pain would be so awful remains a mystery to me. Somedays I think this is paranoia, other days it feels utterly sensible. Nurture versus nature? Hormonal rushes? Or good old common sense?

I’ve always thought (hoped!) there’s a book to be written hiding inside of me. In my brain sits a tiny 1950’s style stenographer, taking notes and organising the information flowing in and out, taking details of my phone calls, sorting the wheat from the chaff, all the while managing to look as fabulous at the end of the day as she did in the morning (like I can never manage). What a huge job! If there is ever a book, she’ll get thanked first.

If only the battle between voracious versus vulnerable within ends with a white flag swung by both sides.

4 thoughts on “Voracious Vs Vulnerable

  1. You really should keep your stenographer in a job – write that book! You have a great way with words so would love to read more of your work here. Writing always demands that you bare your soul; it really doesn’t matter about your reasons for writing nor the format you chose. I teeter on that very same knife edge!

  2. Dear Ms McCormack – Going one-by-one through my TAFE email inbox (have about 60 unread emails, in there), finally came across one of your posts – not ‘Voracious vs. Vulnerable’; an earlier blog – just noticed your picture, or gravatar, I assume it’s called. My point being, as I cram away at the last minute, attempting to download/upload this MARC Manual we have to do (look, I can be quite dyslexic when it comes to even the most basic activities, to do with computers); I happened to incidentally open one of your WordPress emails, and the message in the picture rings quite true! Taking advantage of using the computers at my Job Services Provider, they have the radio playing in the background – and the song that coincides with me reading your gravatar, is Green day’s ‘Time of Your Life’. That is, there will be moments in life, when not seemingly big in that moment; will be long-remembered in time to come. Time will tell, if TAFE Course 10782 will be looked back upon, with rose-coloured glasses – hopefully, this year is not wasted; and for you, really the amount of enthusiasm you display in all classes, it would be saddest for me if one day I enquire around, and find you are not working in a library… You are already there, and you could be employed with, or without a Certificate (just a piece of paper, really). Next year, if I do Diploma – would totally ideally transfer to Ultimo (city is my main stomping-ground)… but, would venture way out west to whatever library you happen to be at. Don’t worry about book, there are some people whose lives would make more memorable motion pictures… yours seems like one – growing up in the vibrancy of the 1970’s, & 1980’s (am more jealous of your experiences, than any younger person coming through today). Anyway, just wanted to get that across. Thanks. Bye.

    • What a movie that would be! Doing this course has been fabulous for me, I can’t believe I didn’t do something like this years ago, though circumstances and life have reasons for delays like this. It’s not been a dull experience since I arrived on Earth, to put it mildly, but so it goes…
      I would love to have you visit, no doubt you’ll find me on your wanders and journeys Marianne. I envy your freedom, I used to be so free, many many moons ago.
      Now, to get a job! I hope!
      See you soon, deciphering cataloging looks beyond interesting, I can not wait, though I’m running late already…

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